The Secret Of Me

A few hours ago I just knew my result of the final exams, the very unpredictable result. And this is the worst result for this 2 years; and hope it is the worst, there would be no worse than this one
>.<

For this semester, I have taken 7 subjects with total of 23 credits. Four subjects of Mathematics, which are Calculus Lanjut II, Real Analysis, Mathematical Methods, Mathematical Statistics. And the last three are Java Programming, Data Structure, and Database System; for the Informatics Technology concentration.

From this seven, I got only one 'A' from the IT subject, Java Prog; two 'A-' for Data Structure and Database System. And I failed in one subject, Mathematical Methods. The other results was not better either. The highest score for the Math subjects is 'B'. How about the others? Guess it...
Since the first semester, I had not ever failed. And I had never gotten 'B' or less, 'B+' used to be the lowest score, and I hoped it is. But now.... my hope disappeared. And I can do nothing now to fix it...

...the beginning
Since the first time I went to this university, I got 50% scholarship. But this percentage could be changed to 100% if I got IP greater than 3.75. Then I thought I will run after this scholarship, which we called it as Platinum Scholarship. Then when I would see the result, I was a little worried that I couldn't get the standard IP (3.75). Okay, but now everything has changed. My main goal is not to get the platinum scholarship anymore, but to maintain my 50% scholarship. Several months ago I was still trying to get more than 3.75, now I'm struggling to achieve more than 3.00.
Until 2 years ago, I was still one of the best in my class. or At least I didn't get any 'C' in my report card... But at the moment, I think I might be the lowest in my class. Hmmm no.. I think I am one of the lowest since the first year... I started to think negatively, that I am not right to be here, I have no potential here, I am not smart enough, then  was my "psikotest" really true? ... Day by day I began to lose my confidence, my faith, my hope..
I studied and studied. I did some exercise. I have prayed to Him, I asked for His help. I did everything. I was pretty sure I will get better score than the last one. But what do I get??? What else should I do? Seems like I've done my best.... but...
I have to admit that a part of my heart had given up. The last exams' result had been pulling me down. I had fallen to my own hopelessness. I have tried to stand up, but I don't know, am I completely arise?
Now I realized, all I've been thinking this time is about me and myself. I fell down in the same hole again and again, yeah it's not the first time. Although someone has ever reminded me that I am no one without Him. Yeah, I have no confidence, I am not brave enough, and I am not capable enough, that I really need Him.. I can't do all these things alone.
<Maybe you should remind me again next time>

...the final exams
A week ago was the dead week for me, because I was having the Final Exams. I couldn't even choose which subjects was the scariest one. I was afraid of all the test.
First day >>>  Real Analysis, among six, I can't answer 2 questions completely. But I thought I would get at least more than half of the full score. Then Java Programming. I got the best score for this subject on mid exams. But the last test was very very very difficult, as my friend told me. I can't predict my result, but I felt it would be bad because I hadn't finish answer all the questions.
Second day >>>  no test at all this whole day. I stayed at home and studied for the next day. I woke up late that day, and I couldn't concentrate studying that morning. I just found my spirit back at the night.. very late...! Two days for studying and I still had to sleep very late, I slept at 3 o'clock and woke up 3 hours later and not finished yet actually.
Third day >>> Two dreadful test, Mathematical Methods (Metmat) and Database System (SBD). Metmat is the worst I thought. Only one question that I was sure to answer it. The other 3? I didn't really know how to do it. Then for a few hours, I forgot everything about Metmat and continue my study of SBD which had not done yet. When I studied together with my friends, there was something I forgot to ask them, although I felt it was important and I really needed to ask. Then yeah, that one thing is written in my SBD question sheet. whoa, I didn't know what is it, but I couldn't let it blank, so I just wrote anything I know in my answer sheet.
Fourth day >>> Calculus test greeted me in the morning. I had a lack of exercise for this subject. When I did the test, my head was completely blank, I couldn't even think right. Even I misunderstood the first question, which I should find the area, but I did look for the volume. The book wasn't not helping me too much either. The next test is Data Structure. Again, I didn't finish studying this subject. Luckily it held in the afternoon at 1.40. Then I had about 3 hours to study. With a little worried, I finished studying in a rush. But in the middle of studying, I got a bad news, the Metmat result! I almost couldn't study at all because of it. But I kept telling myself to focus on Data Structure first.
Fifth day >>> The last day for the last test, Mathematical Statistics (Statmat). If Java was the best score for mid, in the other hand Statmat was the worst one. I mostly afraid with this subject, I hate statistics from the first semester. I did some exercises in the book, but I couldn't done most of them which making me more afraid. Then how 'bout the test? Well, I could smile brightly after this test, it was not as hard as I thought.

...the result
The examinations was over, but my heart kept worrying. I checked SLIM all the time. I made my own prediction, I counted my IP with that prediction. Then, I found out a big possibility of losing my scholarship. Oh No, that could not happen!!! I need an miracle... All support from my friends pushed me to keep my faith. Wait and wait.. One by one the result came out. Until, finally today, I have known all my exams result...
Three subjects result is the same with my own prediction, one is better, and 2 worse. Between the two, one is very unpredictable... But Thanks God, my scholarship is still save..!!! It's only God's grace.. He does not leave me alone, struggle by myself.
Maybe it's the worst for me, but in God it's the best...
I asked Him to give me the best, the best one defined in Him.....
Let it be my stepping stone to improve all..
It is not the end of everything! I still have chance to start over again...

*** I wanted to write a post about my exams since last week, but I thought it would be better if I just wait for the result, that I can tell you a good news.. because I believe He has opened my way to UPH, then He would help me until the end, then He would give me solutions for all my problems here, and it is the solution... ***

Okay, maybe it is not the 'qualified' post, just a little story about what I have been eating today at the Magnum Cafe ... :D
Today, I was having so much fun at Grand Indonesia with my other 3 friends, John, Erick, C Fin... This was the first time I went there.. Hehe...

Hmm our destination was the Magnum Cafe.. For you who haven't known yet, Magnum Cafe is only a temporary cafe. It has opened since February for about 3 months (as I read in news), located in Grand Indonesia West Mall Level 5 Jakarta. As I know, this cafe is always full of customer, so you have to queued to come in. You should choose the right time to go there, so you do not have to wait for a long time. One of my friends had to wait for 2 hours, but it didn't take that long time for me to go in.

There are some choices to eat there. Even though, the main menu is the 'Magnum', but you can find something like Crispy Chicken Wing ( "Flights of Fancy" ), beef steak and fried rice (look at the Royal Feast Menu). But I recommend you the 'Magnum menu', especially if you like the sweet flavor.
I ordered the Brownies Crusade, a pair of brownies with a Vanilla Magnum Stick in the middle of it. Perfect taste, sweet brownies chocolate combined with the milky vanilla.. You should try this! But if you don't really like sweet chocolate, you may not consider it as your choice. If you love the strawberry and the sour taste, you should try the Strawberry Fantasy, which John ate this afternoon. Two magnum ice cream mixed with the strawberry syrup and some cut-pieces of banana.
Then for the normal favor (yeah because it's not too sweet neither too sour..), the Magnum Belgian Waffles Menu, such as the ones my other 2 friends chose, Waffle de Aristocrat. The queen's size for Erick and princess' size for C Fin. The difference between the queen and princess' size is the additional Magnum ice cream for the Queen's.
Here some pics of our choices ... :)

Brownies Crusade

Strawberry Fantasy

Waffle de Aristrocat - Queen's Size

FIRST PERIOD

I used to be a shy and passive girl. I did the same routine activities, school, study, practice basket, and many more, but mostly i only focused in my study. I didn't join any organization nor any committee. My zero-percent-of-confidence made me really hard to communicate with others. And maybe that was the reason that they didn't ask me to join any activity. I have ever put an interest of joining such that activity, but my individualism prevented it. I convinced myself that those were useless to join in.


But as I continue to study in universities, I meet many people with different characterization. And I start thinking that I need to learn how to communicate with them well. That's why I decided to try joining the Senate of my faculty last year. For me, that was a big choice. I didn't have any experience, and I didn't know anything about the work of an organization. With 50% confident, I applied to the Senate.


And I was accepted! I was really happy on that time, even I wasn't put in my choice of division. They asked me, which division did i like to join in.. And my answer was the non-academic division. But I couldn't get what I want. I was in Internal Division with the 2 others. Each of us had our job desc. My coordinator would take the Care Motion Project which is our Christmas Celebration. My other friend would organize the FLAT (Family Learning Trip). It was a kind of "makrab" combined with such a learning trip or study tour.
And I... was responsible for the Mading, FOR-FSM, and KOSAN. Mading or "Majalah Dinding" is like an information board which is displayed attractively. FOR-FSM is a forum for the FSM members, which would be held to discuss a big problem related to the faculty, so that we can solve it together. But until now, this forum hadn't been carried out. The last one, KOSAN stand for "Kotak Saran" or the advice box. I had a little problem with this, I didn't get the permission to put it in the faculty office, since then this box was removed. So, my main job is the "Mading".


I didn't very surprise why I got this job desc. I had several times being asked by my friends at school to help them with their a-kind-of-creative projects. But honestly I feel a little bit disappointed with this job. I thought it as a "easy" job. But later, I found it was not easy, especially at the beginning. I didn't really know about the Mading actually. I couldn't imagine how to decorate this information board so that people will read it, or at least look at it. I browsed the internet, but I get none. I did it with my lack of experience and "knowledge" of it. The first time was worst. >.< .. Then I tried and tried to make it more attractive. But I can't deny that I have been very lazy and bored with this job several times that resulted a non maximal mading. But lastly I did very enjoy with this periodic job. I am very happy when people interested to see my mading. I have several pictures to show you...

These are some tools and materials for Mading

Mix result of mading which I still keep until now

And here 2 picture of my favorite...

Valentine's Day - February 2011

Maret 2011

And now, this period of Senate has ended. My periodic task has over. We had done many things this one year, I hope that everyone was satisfied with our job. It's time for the new Senate to continue what had we done...


SECOND PERIOD

I learned a lot from the last period of Senate. As a part of Senate I had to show responsibility that had been entrusted to me. I couldn't just let the Mading away of my daily activity, I have to make it every month even I have so many campus task to do. Then I need to arrange my time and plan a schedule for doing this Senate job. I also learned how to communicate with others. Even until now, I still found a difficulty in communication, but it is better than last years. In my opinion, I haven't give the maximal one from Senate as I haven't get the maximal too. Then I think, I should try once again. Everyone said Senate need you" ( read : 'you' is not only refer to me), but I said "I need Senate". And I apply to the new period which is led by my friend (I am sure he will be a good leader). I have some reasons that  encouraged me to join. And happily, I am accepted for this period, my second period then.

But again, I was put in my second priority of division. If last year I chose the "non academic division" for the first one, and internal for the second, then this year I wrote the contradictory one. My first choice is Internal, followed by non academic. Yeah, although I feel a little bit disappointed, but now, I feel better with this decision. I am sure that I am positioned in the right one, just like my last period. Internal division, was the best for me. And maybe for this year, "Academic and non-academic division" is the best for me. Umm I forgot to tell you that the non-academic division has been combined with the academic division. Even I haven't got the full "image" about this division's job yet, I will give the best as I can do. I want to give more impact through this division. Hope I can do well.. ^^

And because we haven't done anything yet, except the first gathering, I can't tell you anything by now... While waiting for the first meeting, I shall think about some ideas first about what should we do through this Academic and non academic division... Do you have any idea? ...